My Confidant,
My Mentor,
My Proof Reader,
My Therapist,
The person who would never judge me,
Who always knew the right thing to say,
Who was always there to push me in the right direction,
The driving force in all things "Me"
A very close friend,
And above all, my Mom
She was all these things to me, and many more that I can't even begin to list. My Mom's love and kindness knew no bounds.
Today, there is a piece of me missing now that she isn't here. Yet still, although life is indeed different, I can feel that my Mom is very much alive in me, and in all of her friends and family with the love that she so freely gave. I feel that she lives on in all of us.
When I close my eyes, I see her. When I go to sleep, I talk to her in my dreams. When I feel stressed, I hear her telling me that she's proud of me. When I wish she could see what neat new thing Brandon's doing, I feel her in the room watching. When I feel lonely or sad, I feel her arms around me in a hug. All the things I had before, I still have each day, just in different way than they used to be.
I pray to God pretty much every morning, and since early in the year when she passed away, I asked God every day to heal her pain, to help me to be closer to Him. To live in the hearts of my family and friends so that we may all feel and share His love...and He answered. Her pain is gone, and she hurts no more.
After her soul had left for Heaven, and her body was still here with us, I was confused, I didn't understand why God would take her from me, from Brandon, from my Dad, from all of us, when she still had many years to live. We weren't ready to let her go. I still don't know why He took her when He did, and I probably won't until I join Him in heaven and can ask Him face to face.
One thing that I do know is that, without a doubt, my Mom was a gift from God. And what a gift she was. For me, for my Dad, for my Grandparents, for my Uncle, for all of us. A gift that is still with us, each and every day. There has been more than one time where I felt God act directly in my life through a specific event, but I never truly saw how he acted in my life each and every day through the love that my Mom had for me.
As much of a stretch as it is to think, Heaven may have fallen a little short on love, and needed my Mom to fill in the gap. I say this tongue in cheek, but maybe Heaven needed some help getting organized; and who better to fill that role but my Mom.
I don't know who wrote this, but I find it a fitting description of my Mom:
Her love is like an island
In life's ocean, vast and wide
A peaceful, quiet shelter
From the wind, the rain, the tide.
'Tis bound on the north by Hope,
By Patience on the West,
By tender Counsel on the South
And on the East by Rest.
Above it like a beacon light
Shine Faith, and Truth, and Prayer;
And thro' the changing scenes of life
I find a haven there.
While my Mom's light on this Earth has dimmed, it shines brighter than ever in Heaven, shining down on me, on Brandon, on my Dad, on all of us, waiting until God calls us home so we can be together again.
I Love You Mom,
Brian
